The Truth can Be Hard to Hear

Past trauma's seem to reoccur at any time. A little over a week ago Talo was sick with a cold and bad ear infection. His ear drum was close to rupturing for the second time in his little life. We couldn't imagine how badly this hurt him but we can saw the pain in his every action. You see Talo never tells us when he is in pain and he quietly suffers alone.

The other week was trying to us as parents. We felt like we were just giving and he was not receiving our love. His behaviors were so off and we could tell some of it was because he didn't feel good but the other's go way deeper. Over that week we saw Talo exhibit the same "fear based" behaviors that we saw upon his return home with us and upon us moving apartments two months ago.

After just a long exhausting day I felt like I had no patience or love left. Being just the selfish person that I am whiteout Jesus Christ I went into our room to pray and just asked the Lord, "What is going on with Talo, something is wrong." Then the Lord just brought to mind what happened in Talo's life one year ago this month. You see we are about to come up on the date he was brought into the orphanage the date that he was close to death. The first pictures we showed you of Talo were after he had gained 10lbs. Talo was so sick upon being brought into the orphanage that he was near death. Not only had he just lost the only people he had ever known he was also loosing the battle for his life. On top of the illness that was causing him to be so close to death he had ruptured ear drums in both ears, intestinal parasites, and scabies so severe that it has left scars on his body.

We never saw pictures of our son in this condition and to be honest I don't want to. I can't imagine having a visual image to go with the pain I already feel when I look at the scars and see his recent behavior as he has been sick. You see when Talo was near death he was also without a mommy or daddy to take care of him. He has never know what it is to tell someone he is in pain and have them fix it, or tell someone he doesn't feel good and have them hold him, he never knew what it meant to be cleaned up after having diarrhea or be given anti-itch cream as bugs ate away at his little body. He has never know that there are people who can love him in his pain and sickness. He fears to tell us he is hurting and instead he runs from us. His current ear infection is bringing not only physical pain but intense emotional pain.

After my time of praying that night God lead me to go back in Talo's room and I was committed to be with him until he feel asleep. After almost 45minutes of singing, praying, holding, rocking and laying next to him. He finally relaxed and fell asleep with his arm wrapped tightly around my head as I laid next to him. I said, "I love you so much Talo", and he looked up at me and said, "I love bu so much mommy, I love bu so much mommy, I love bu so much mommy."

I don't think you can understand the trauma of an orphaned child until you experience it everyday. As his parents we know his behaviors and when you see him in fear it is heart breaking. It is not how God created things to be. However, because we live in this fallen world there is suffering and pain and never will I know why our son had to suffer but what I do know is that God saved him from dying and brought him into our family. And if it takes all our lives to help him know he is loved and not alone in his suffering than it takes all our lives. For God has given Talo to us for such a time as this because no child should ever be without a mother or father. . . yet 147 million are.

Giving money to the orphan is good, sponsoring a child through World Vision or compassion is good too, yet no amount of money gives an orphan a mommy to rock them when they are sick or a dad to read them stories at night when they are going to sleep. No amount of money can end their suffering of living alone in sickness and living alone in hunger and living alone when they are so close to dying. Some people cannot adopt due to age or health reasons or other unavoidable circumstances.

Although the reality is that many people can adopt and chose not to.
Why?

Why?

What's your excuse?

Do you think it's ok for them to suffer and eventually die alone. Picture your biological children wearing rags, living at the end of your driveway or road, eating dirt mixed with dirty water for dinner, and then when the sun has gone down they lay their head on the dirt or dirty trash lined street and go to sleep alone. Is that ok for your children?

Why then do you say it's ok for the 147 million for whom this is life. Life alone. . . or maybe they can hope one day to lay their head down on a soft pillow in your home as part of your family. Alone no longer.