God's Grace in our Infertility

Our Talo fast asleep in the craziest spots!

He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap,
To make them sit with princes, with the princes of His people.
He makes the barren woman abide in the house As a joyful mother of children.
Praise the LORD! –Psalm 113:7-9

The other day after listening to one of my favorite Bible teachers (www.walkintheword.com) I felt convicted to write this post. Often times I feel people reading our blog or hearing about our adoption assume Talo is a product of our infertility. But let me say it loud and clear that is not the case. I can’t tell you how many times people tell us, “Oh now you’ll get pregnant I know so many people who adopt and then get pregnant.” Now we know your comments aren’t intended to be hurtful but they are. Think about what you’re saying, you assume we choose adoption because we were unable to conceive however let me share with you the true story. Talo is not a product of our infertility but of God’s perfect and chosen design for our family.


Even in the freezing cold he pushes that stroller!

October 2006, only 4 months after we had been married a coworker of mine made a statement to me. She said “I believe every Christian should adopt”. I quickly responded, “Oh Becky, I don’t think I could ever love an adopted child as my “own”.(note we came home wiht Talo 3 years later October 2009) She said something to the effect of how I could more than I ever imagined and began to talk more of the adoption of her beautiful little daughter. I kind of stowed that conversation away and thought how I could never adopt like she had. Then it began to happen, God’s Holy Spirit began to move in my heart and life in a mighty way.
Only a few weeks later I learned that the severe pain I was enduring each month could be more of a serious health problem than I thought and in some cases causes infertility. I was devastated. At the time Jon and I were not trying to have children however, I became overcome with grief, “is this what our future holds?” “Lord all I have ever wanted was to be a mom, I had dreamed of it since I was a little girl”. I used to pretend my stuffed raccoon was a baby, I would feed him, hold him and push him in my toy stroller, on Sundays you could find me helping in the nursery so I could hold the real babies, while as a teenager I spent much of my time babysitting. To top it all off I am a labor and delivery nurse. However, it was like God telling me in his gentle yet powerful way through his word and prayer not to concern myself with this fear of infertility right now and trust that whatever happens, God’s plan is always the best.


"Where's ah Talo"-direct quote from Talo when I took this picture!

Only a few short months after that conversation with my coworker I became consumed with this passion for the orphans and adoption. I told Jon how much I felt God calling us to adopt even before having children by birth and I cried for endless hours to him about the plight of the orphan. After almost a year I looked online and found this adoption agency “America World”, I read the stories, looked at the countries, and printed out an info packet. I can’t remember if Jon read that packet or not but I filed it away because I knew someday we would adopt. Over the next year we spent countless drives in our town laboring in conversation over adoption. I was usually just broken over the plight of the orphan and felt we should adopt before we had biological children. However Jon, being the cautious wise man that he is felt we couldn’t adopt if we hadn’t even been parents to a child yet.


Talo assesing which birdie he will run after first.


And the birdies, planning their escape from Talo!

After tons of prayer and more talking than you could imagine we decided to try to start a family by birth and Jon said “someday” he knew we would adopt. What he didn’t know was how soon that “someday” may be.
The pain and grief came heavy after only a few short months of not being able to conceive. People told us oh it’s only been a few months you’ll get pregnant but some how I knew God was going to work this together for His good and glory. I also started to realize that maybe I had heard the Lord correctly, He was leading us into adoption. However, Jon still wasn’t convinced and I knew when God united our hearts we would be ready to start the adoption process. Well, in October 2008, two years after God spoke in a still small voice through my co-worker Jon agreed with God, it was time to adopt.

Jon says he had been hearing God speak to him for awhile but wasn’t ready to take that step of faith and obedience. Then James 1:27(Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and keep oneself unstained by the world.”) spoke to him so strongly that the question became. . .

“How could it not be God’s will to adopt?”



After Christmas festivities were over in 2008, we started out to find an agency when wouldn’t you know in our file box was the printout I had saved over a year earlier from the agency America World Adoption. New Years day we filled out the application and began our “pregnancy” to Talo. Though what most everybody does not know is that only a month later I had surgery to remove large cysts due to my endometriosis. Medically I had to have the surgery because the pain that I talked earlier about was affecting my daily living and the cysts were at risk of rupturing. As we sat in the Surgeon’s office he tried to explain how unlikely it would be for us to ever become pregnant unless we chose fertility treatments (IVF ect) and how he was more than eager to have me enter into a roller coaster ride of those treatments so we could have a child by birth.


Notice the stick in Talo's hand and the birdie on the bottom right! Ahhh!

This Surgeon just couldn’t comprehend what we were telling him. Adoption? What? He said, “surely you have wanted to do this for a long time because we wouldn’t even diagnose you with infertility until its been 6 more months of inability to conceive.” He felt adoption was plan “B” or second best, he felt we hadn’t “tried” hard enough to have children of our “own” to go on and choose something as extreme as adoption.


Talo directing Grandpa,"Now Granpa push me in this direction and fast please!"


After Talo's push down the hill Grandpa runs to catch him. This all made Mommy very nervous!

Yet for us this was never plan B, It was always God’s plan “A” for our family and we had conceived a child in our hearts months before the doctor ever told us we may never conceive one in my womb.
You see God the author of life already had a child picked out for us and he was waiting on the other side of the world. Just like pregnancy we didn’t know if we would have a boy or girl, or what they would look like, or what medical needs they would have. But we did know that on January 1st, 2009 we found out we were “pregnant” and 9 months later September 21st, 2009 we would meet our son. A beautiful boy of Ethiopian heritage who God knew before the beginning of time would be our “first born”. Talo is plan “A” and has always been the best plan.
We believe that our infertility is not a disease like cancer that needs to be treated nor is it a punishment from God like some people may think. But let me say this, if you are experiencing infertility in no way do I want to offend you or make your grief minimized. Infertility is a terrible grief one that is like no other. It is very much a silent type of grief. No one knows exactly how it feels unless they are experiencing it and when people who have biological kids do find out the lack of sensitivity is astounding. So hear me, anyone who is experiencing this trial that seems to have no end until heaven, I know your pain.
Though that pain has never made Talo second best or plan B. We look forward with great anticipation and excitement to grow our family and our daily prayer is not, “O Lord please make us pregnant.” It is “O, Lord please provide for our next adoption as we move forward to do your will.” For the Lord has answered me several times about my physically barren womb and I rest in His perfect answer. May God speak to you about your individual grief’s as you read the answer He has given me about the “thorn in my flesh”.
“To keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me- to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
And he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.”
-The Power of Christ